so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it glows. i had to have it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
