im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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