Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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