There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
