Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
