He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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