She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
