First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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