Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
