I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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