Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
