thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
