im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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