i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
