Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
