no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
