i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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