You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
