so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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