Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
