Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's get the cat blown out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
