would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
