I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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