he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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