just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think a kid would responsible me up
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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