Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
