Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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