so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
