I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
