It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
