Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
