You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
