toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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