his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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