if you like me you must not know who I am
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
