Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
