I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
