im gay
i know
yea but for you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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