If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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