So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think a kid would responsible me up
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
