I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
