btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
