Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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