There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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