you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
