Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
