theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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