We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
