So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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