the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
